A friend of mine posted an internet meme* the other day which has me puzzled.
It said, "Ladies, just in case you were wondering, God will not send you someone else's husband."
Her post received *A LOT* of likes and comments in support of that statement.
I was impressed with the amount of attention it received. This particular meme managed to get quite a bit of internet traction and you may have already seen one similar to it. But WHY it garnered this level of attention is what has me baffled. I'm not a block head. I know that the idea is that women need to stay away from married men. That's a given and I get it. But here are my two issues with it. (1) WHY would you want him if he could be taken? (2) WHY is there not a meme about MEN staying away from married women?
If you've read this far and not yet been offended, I am now giving my final warning before you cannot turn back. The possibility of offense is strong from this point forward.
My philosophy on jealousy must be unusual because I've been married 15 years and if some girl can woo him away, then buh-bye and toodles to the both of them. I wouldn't want him in my life. I've never been a "stand by your man" kind of gal because to me that translates into doormat. I completely understand that some of you reading this, might be offended or see me as cold, but it IS how I feel. There are women who would argue with me vehemently about standing by their men and I know that their points are probably valid if not, idealistic.
Look, I'm a Christian and know that marriage is a Holy union and I know about forgiveness and I'm familiar with the Bible verses that back up the importance of both of those points. But my opinion remains grounded. If marriage were Holy to my husband, then he wouldn't have strayed. I would eventually forgive him but I don't have to live with him.
If another woman (who may or may not have felt led by God to become involved with my husband) and my husband (who he may or may not have felt driven to be led away) decided to act on that involvement and become unfaithful, then I have no use for either one of them. Let's face it, we are all put on this planet with free will. It's not really her and it's not really him. It's the free will that they chose together. I understand that you might ask about all the years I've invested, or the kids that we have together but I don't care about any of it. *Correction* I do care but I'm not going to suffer for it years later. If he strays, then he can go. I choose not to fight for someone who didn't fight temptation. Free will away, spousal unit.
I don't believe that I'm emotionally attached to the amount of years involved in a marriage. What might have worked then, but doesn't work now is like a used pan with the Teflon peeling off of it. It was great for awhile, cooked a lot of meals together, but now the teflon is peeling and it's hazardous to your health.
And maybe you're thinking, Wow, if I were your husband I wouldn't want to be with you because you won't fight for the marriage. You might suggest that sometimes you have to dig deep and do the hard work to make a marriage work. I respect that decision, but I'm not of the opinion that fidelity is part of the hard work. God staying in focus and being the center of your relationship takes commitment. Providing for your family is a daily struggle. Raising children into good citizens isn't easy. Job loss, financial ruin and the subsequent moving or downsizing, that's a tough pit to climb out of. Caring for aging parents or fighting a sickness that's rarely won. That's the *HARD* work. If staying faithful is the *HARD* part, then counseling should have probably happened long before the walk down the aisle. And it is your opinion to have that my husband shouldn't or wouldn't want to be with me because of the lack of fight I have in me, but I promise you it's not my husband's opinion. He's with me and I'm with him because we're kind of awesome together and there's no room for a 3rd person in this fun little marriage party.
Maybe you say, "We'll stay together for the children." I'm not a proponent of that philosophy either because you're raising them to see infidelity without consequences. If you have a boy, you're teaching him that it's okay not to respect women, most importantly his spouse, and if you have a girl, you're telling her to settle and put up with less than she deserves. This goes both ways for both genders. My heart would break if my kids were on either side of this equation with their future spouses.
Furthermore, I don't have that clingy, what if he leaves me mentality. There are a number of popular songs out right now that annoy me. One line is, "I'm gonna' love you, like I'm gonna' lose you." It's hard for me to express how much I detest that song. My kids find it amusing because the first few times we heard it, I would make a point to explain why this is not the start of a healthy relationship. The fear that if you don't *do* enough, he'll leave you. If you have peace and love with each other then that is enough. *You* are enough. *He* is enough.
Let's move on to forgiveness. I doubt the sincerity of some women's choice of forgiveness. I'm not saying that forgiveness can't happen because people have been cheating for centuries. The odds are pretty strong that SOMEONE forgave and meant it. Modern day women like Kathy Lee Gifford or Hillary Clinton are good examples of women who forgave their men for their indiscretions. It's possible. These women express in their own words, that they were bound together in marriage and they can move past it. Some with couples therapy, some without, but I'm not sure how real it is. The "it" would still be sitting in our living room. It would never move out.
My opinion or advice about letting him go is only relevant and applicable for me. Everyone else's circumstances surrounding their marriage are unique to them. I admire those of you who can forgive your spouse despite the fact that your pain must feel white hot. I pray that God and the Holy Spirit give you strength every day to overcome it and move past it. And for those of you who caused the pain, I hope you spend the rest of your life thanking God and then wake up every day with renewed passion to make your spouse feel like the precious gift she is.
***a meme is humorous image, video, piece of text, etc. that is copied often with slight variations and spread rapidly by Internet users. Google.
Seeds to Share:
Matthew 19:6 - Whom God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.