The house is clean and the decorations are put away for another year. The laundry is done and the tags have been snipped off of everything new. There’s a fresh pallet - a clean slate - a new beginning.
So now what?
Do I contemplate what will be? What’s on the way? Will I remember everything I accomplished - or focus on what I didn’t?
Here we are: Standing on the edge of everything that happened and everything that will be. The end. The last day of the year as it fades into the beginning of a new day, a new year. We forget it uses the same amount of time in any other day. Isn’t that what happens every morning? Can’t any day be the beginning of something new and the end of something we will move away from? Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves on this day? Is it because the calendar flips? If that were true then we would feel it on our birthday too. Our kids birthdays, our anniversaries.
Our year is ending and we wait as a new one begins as if time doesn’t matter all the other days of the year.
So, now what?
Do I celebrate all that I did and have, or make a list of all that I still want and think I need? Will I be grateful for all the things someone else wishes they had? I ask myself what do I already have that a woman across town or around the world prays for every day?
It stops me. A sharp intake of my breath.
The thought of another person and what they wish for challenges me to open my head and heart. I greedily swallow spoonfuls of more gratitude. I slow down. I reflect. I digest. I am content for just a moment and then my mind creates all of the buts...
But I still don’t have...
But I haven’t accomplished...
But I want to experience...
The peace and contentment slips away as fast as sand in the glass. The year ends. I keep driving for more. Pushing for better. I make a lists of goals, deadlines and dreams.
Will I be satisfied next year? Will my dreams come closer so that I can see them better with my aging eyes?
Will I finally become the person the little girl inside of me thinks I am?