To The Person Who Tried to Make Me Feel Bad About My Size

Dear person who tried to make me feel awful about this photo:

Yes, I’m heavier than you remember, but you haven’t seen me — really seen me — in years. There are a few things you missed when judging my picture (and me) so I want to give you another chance to look again.

Eleanor at Civil Axe.jpg

What you don’t see is that I’m 20 lbs lighter than I was 3 months ago.

What you don’t see is that my lifestyle changed. I make better food choices, haven’t had alcohol in months, go to the gym and work hard to hit more than 10K steps a day.

What you don’t see in that picture is that my pants are two sizes too big for me. I had to keep hitching them up before and after ax throws.

What you don’t see is that I haven’t had the time or the extra money to buy more pants in my new size. I’ve been raising my teenagers, working two jobs, volunteering and pursuing my dream as a writer.

What you don’t see in that picture is my future. I will lose even more weight so I’ll wait until I reach my goal to buy more pants. I’ll hit that bulls-eye before you know it.

There’s no way you can see every single time I wanted the bread, the dessert, the second helping but I said no thank you and pushed away. I’m developing my will power and it’s getting stronger. I’m certain you didn’t mean to discourage that did you?

What you don’t see is that before this picture was taken, I had been wearing a bulky, fuzzy sweater and an adorable matching scarf. There’s so much comfort in covering up a body that’s changing and finding its “fighting weight” again. But that night I had to shed my protection of clothes and get down to my T-shirt because my competition was fierce and I had less than an hour to learn this new ax-throwing skill. I wiped the sweat from my forehead and pushed the hair out of my eyes. You didn’t see all of that in this picture.

What you don’t see is how happy I was to be out with friends. You missed the part where I participated in a physical activity and doing it well enough to win a few throws.

So, to the person who tried to make me feel awful about this photo, please look again. There are things about me you didn’t see.